New day and still broke

Wow, it seems the more I come to terms with my dissatisfaction, the more broke I get. Now I have next to nothing in my savings but my bills are paid. I am thinking of skipping my book club tonight because I am broke until Friday after trying to cover my bills. Can't even afford the overpriced food in the coffeeshop anymore. Pathetic, I know. At least I am not alone, everybody is broke.

Here is my question: Why does everyone insist on actually cashing the checks I send them? Well, that's an obvious and probably idiotic question, maybe more like a wish. I like to look at all the money I have before it gets siphoned out. When I think of my bank account I have an image of sand leaking from a hole, yeah, but I know the bills are paid, that is reassuring, and plenty of food at home.

Keep telling yourself that. So says my inner accountant.

Everyday, i tell myself things like: I will organize my story outline, I will start on my story, I'll dig out poems for a competitiion or Indigest, one of those things. Or I will go home and watch that documentary from Netflix, that I have had for almost a month.

Acccchhhh.....one big scream!

still busy vacating

Ok, Sooo... it's almost a week since my last post and this is the first chance I have to blog again. Not exactly as I had a imagined this time away from work, it seems like all I've been doing is just catching up on all that I have postponed or procrastinated about while working. Although I do feel like I have accomplished some of the things I set out to do in the last week, at least half of that time was spent spending money or busywork things that I didn't exactly relish, such as hanging out selling nothing for most of the crawl weekend and tolerating people that I would not normally choose to tolerate, or even be with. If that makes me sound like a snob or a sociopath, so be it.
So, I took time off so that I didn't end up burning up in stress.
And I did gain something in that I met other people that I would like to be around more and I had some enriching and teachable moments, ie:critiquing some photos, which is good. If this is a pro and con exercise I 'd say it's about 50/50.
It does feel good to get out during the day without a fixed schedule too, have lunch with friends or stay in and sleep in. Yesterday I took time in my studio to do some inventory and touch up work and that felt good. I like to have two-three tasks whenever I go there so it feels like I did something. Something so that I don't lose it, something that,in essence saves my sanity!
And now I can actually enjoy my last day of vacation knowing that,while I didn't apply for 400 positions, I, at least, got my master resume completed and got through the art crawl alright, and actually sold something. At the end.
I don't know if I want to do the 3 day thing again tho. At least not before I see what I can do online. Next up: list things on Etsy,mnartists, my art info pages.

not wasting any more time.

Well, here I am on vacation,which means: to vacate yourself, right?
1st day and it is great so far,slept in 'til 10, went out to lunch with a freind, browsed around in Dinkytown,stop at the library,that sort of thing. Trying not to get too wrapped up in errand running because that's too much like a work day, and want to avoid that! Yikes!
I don't have to worry about sublimation since I am unwinding and doing what I want, right? I wonder if relaxing is avoiding the process or part of the process of getting back to work in my studio. I do think it could a preliminary to really getting back down to my creative core but I also wonder if I am still in the postponement mode and too used to doing my process that way. The whole point of taking time off was to get ready for the art crawl and then job hunt &/or research starting a buisness. Is a week enough for that? Oh yeah, also to see how a different schedule works, two days at a time instead of five. I feel the five days a week makes me too complacent, bored and frustrated thus stressed and uninspired. Oh yeah and wiped out! So tommorow, what? Yes,This is quite the experiment, look~ I'm writing if you count blogging as real writing,why not? stream of consciousness is valid. Plus I am editing as I go along,so that is process too.
I imagine that this is part of the unwinding process and if I come to the library every day or to a coffeshop and journal I have made some progress toward making a new process. One thing about being creative is that I am always willing to try another way and unwilling to give up altogether.
That's probably a good thing, since what do you have if you give up? What do you have if you give in? Two different questions, which I will address at another time. I only want to say that because it's not going to be my attitude to do either. And if I have to be my own cheerleader I will, dammit!!